1) Sloth--One of the "Seven Deadly Sins". Being a sloth is not equivalent to being a couch potato. It is the attitude, knowingly or unknowingly, of apathy. I am a sloth by this definition. Yes I care about my husband and my church, but outside of that, I am pretty much apathetic towards most things. Right now, my focus has been solely on me and how much longer I am going to be stuck in the "phase/chapter" of my life. I am sick of it--the waiting, the passion waning, the slow death of my spirit, the general discontent, the compromising, the noise to fill time (and the noise that irritates). I just want it to all be over so I can move on to a more exciting part of life. We decided almost two years ago to join the Peace Corps and we are still stuck in Durham and now living with Nick's parents. I have let my time in Durham slowly kill my spirit of giving, loving, caring, helping and serving. I let go of most of my friendships stating they didn't care about me anymore, but it is mostly because I "feel" like everyone else gets to move on with their lives and I am stuck in the holding pattern. I need to change. God did not create me to be selfish. He created me to care about others and show them His unconditional love. I want to change and be empathetic and caring again. It just feels like too much work to change now...
2) TOMS shoes--I have a chance to change the life of another. Why am I not doing it? I talk about social justice issues and how Christians need to become the leaders on these issues, but I am doing nothing about it myself. For bewteen $44 and $98 I could get two awesome pairs of shoes--one for me, one for someone overseas to desititute to even own shoes. Yet I spend probably 2-3 times this much just on food (grocery and dining out). Really I need to cut back. That next time I want to go out, why don't I just give the money to a great organization and help life change begin.
3) Prayer--I pray often, but mostly it is selfish praying. I want to pray for others. I need to pray for others. The Apostle Paul writes over and over how he prays for others always. He thanks God for the lives and ministries of fellow Christ Followers. He prays for their needs to be met and for God to bless them for the work they are doing. And all of this is while Paul sits on prison for preaching the same message. I want to be able to pray for other unselfishly--just to thank God for using them and blessing their lives and leave it at that.
These are just a few thoughts going on in this crazy mind God gave me. Hopefully, getting them out here will provide with rest for tonight, but if not maybe new thoughts to aprk my new journey of life change will grow in my restlessness.
I like this, I think these were some very good thoughts. I love you very much Kimberly McBride!
ReplyDeleteI can't imagine you being selfish. Maybe this is just a resting period before you go on your big adventure. I hope you can accept your conviction that you need to change but not condemn yourself. I agree that it is so easy to get wrapped up in ourselves.
ReplyDelete-Katrina